Mindset Does Matter
During the earlier part of my 20+ year journey as a special needs mom, I put the dreams and hopes I’d had for my life away in the back of my mind - far from view. And, without realizing it, I slowly began developing a mindset about my special needs life that would later leave me feeling trapped by our family’s circumstances.
Although I knew that my family had been blessed in so many ways, the constraints, the difficulties, the weariness were all real; and, silently, I had started to resent them.
Rather than proactively brainstorming and trying new approaches that might allow for more joy, freedom or fulfillment, I had slowly become conditioned to just let things be. And, because everything was already so hard, trying something new - that might not work - didn’t seem worth the energy or the risk.
Many years later the Lord gave this way of thinking a name. He called it a “disabled life” mindset, and revealed that, because I was so focused on the things in my life that were hard or painful, I wasn’t able to see the possibilities - for greater joy, vibrancy and freedom.
God wanted me to be joyful in my circumstances so I could see His way forward despite my circumstances.
As the Lord helped me to see how this mindset was at work in my life, He also made it clear that living a “disabled life” was not His plan for me or my family. Even in the face of the real difficulties that were present in our life as a special needs family, He revealed that we still had the power to choose our responses. To choose our mindset.
While there were certainly things we couldn’t change, how we chose to respond to the situations we faced - the mindset we chose - would impact the quality of our lives more than anything else.
We had the power to choose:
whether we’d remain stuck in regretful inaction or move forward, inspired by hope
whether we’d live in defeat, or with joy and gratitude
We had to look at all the choices that were available to us; and, ask questions that would help us figure out how we could make the most of our unique special needs journey.
The types of questions we’ve asked - and continue to ask - are:
What is God’s perspective/purpose/promise here?
What do I believe about my circumstances? What is the basis of my belief? How does it align with what God says?
How does my role as a special needs parent fit into who I already am?
What’s most important here for me and my family?
What choices do we have?
What do we need to learn?
What do we need to let go of?
Answering these types of questions has continued to help us to develop healthier, more hopeful mindsets about how we see and live our lives. Let me be the first to admit that changing mindsets can be hard work. But God is with us to help. And, with Him, we can succeed at learning how to live freer, more joyful and fulfilling lives.
One choice at a time.
One step at a time.