He Chose Me

There’s only one time in my life when I recall hearing the audible voice of God. I was asleep and the LORD called, “Sandy! Sandy!” I woke up, looked over at my sleeping husband, then around my bedroom. “It will be a boy,” He said. Confused, but as yet unmoved, I lay my head back down and went back to sleep.

Shortly, I was awakened again as I heard Him call, “Sandy! Sandy! It will be a boy!” This time, He had my attention. I somehow knew that the LORD was the One speaking and what He’d just foretold would come to pass in my life. What I didn’t understand was why He awakened me to tell me. What was so significant about this boy that God reached into time to wake me up and tell me about his arrival? Worth noting, I wasn’t pregnant at the time, nor were my husband and I discussing having children.

Fast forward a few years later, when I gave birth to our first child - a beautiful little girl. My husband wanted his first born to be a little girl so we asked God and He graciously granted our request. Though my husband was satisfied with our beautiful one child, I knew we’d be having at least one more… God had told me “it will be a boy.”

After reminding my husband of the LORD’s late night proclamation, we knew our family was not yet complete. When we told our daughter “we” were having another baby, she asked for twins - she wanted a baby brother and a baby sister. Again, the LORD was gracious to grant her request. I gave birth to twins - another beautiful little girl and the “foretold” little boy.

Thirteen months later my healthy baby boy was stricken with a devastating illness with multiple complications. After a four month hospital stay, he returned home to us with physical, developmental and cognitive challenges. So began our journey in this scary, unasked for world of disabilities.

For years I sought to understand why a good and loving God would allow such unfair suffering to happen. My son was innocent. He didn’t deserve this. We didn’t deserve this. I was confused, hurt, and angry. God had awakened me in the middle of the night for this? Our lives had been made harder in every way by this singular event.

Over the past several years the LORD has challenged my thinking in so many ways - and reframed my perspective about this situation in particular. I now consider it possible that, perhaps, God had awakened me in the middle of the night, all those years ago, to tell me that He had chosen me (and the family I’d have one day) to bring him a special kind of glory - through our suffering. (To be clear, I don’t believe God causes suffering through sickness or disability, but He does allow it. And everything He does/allows is for His glory and can be worked together for our good.) His heart was not to hurt or punish us, but - maybe - to elevate us. Perhaps he had been searching for a woman - a family - that He knew He could trust with this “special gift”. And He woke me to tell me that He had chosen me.

He chose me.

What about you? How has the LORD elevated you through difficult circumstances?