BOOK REVIEW: "Aching Joy" by John Hague

As soon as I heard the title of this book, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. With two words, the author, John Hague, had perfectly and precisely described the emotion(s) I felt as the parent of a child with special needs. Those two words - aching joy - spoke to both my experience of cyclical grief for dreams lost while at the same time capturing the decision I’ve had to make everyday - to hold onto hope, to believe for the impossible, to notice and be thankful for everyday blessings (both small and large) - to choose joy.

Although written from the perspective of a special needs dad, “Aching Joy” documents the tension experienced by all special needs parents, that is, the tension between happiness and sorrow, discouragement and hope, the aching and the joy. Using Isaiah 45:3 (NLT) as his foundational scripture, Hague writes, “This is a book about the treasures I found in my darkness, and the greatest was this: aching joy. The Lord taught me how to sigh in pain, how to weep in gladness, and how to trust during days of hope deferred…” (p. xxii, Kindle Edition)

With raw honesty and transparency, Hague walks the reader through his own painful journey of grief, denial, anger, and bargaining - to reluctant and eventually hopeful acceptance after his son is diagnosed with autism. He openly admits his disappointment with God and how giving voice to all his hurt, anger, disappointment and questions opened the door for healing to begin. Hague’s honesty with God also made space for the Lord to walk with him “through the darkness” to the place where he was able to face his new normal.

Some of the gems from the book:

• Some of the pain of this special needs journey may never go away completely, but there is still joy.

• A crisis of faith - doubts, disappointments, and accusations against God - if processed honestly with God, can lead to greater intimacy and trust.

• It’s impossible to anesthetize only one side of our hearts. In order to feel the joy, we must also be willing to feel the sorrow. The way forward therefore requires a vulnerability that’s open to disappointment and willing to risk heartbreak while at the same time remaining hopeful and open to surprise.

• God is still a miracle-working God, but that’s not all He is and miracles are not the only way He moves. He also (primarily) works in the day to day in both large and small (more subtle) ways. Don’t lose sight of His smaller miracles due to a hyper focus on that one big miracle.

• We must intentionally open our eyes to see who our children are instead of who they are not. Look for the treasure that’s in them and help them to mine it out.

There are so many more I could cite. Instead, I recommend you read the book for yourself. I, personally, want to thank John Hague for his forthrightness in providing me, as a reader and special needs mom, a window into his heart. In doing so, he helped me to understand my own heart better.

What book have you read lately that you would recommend?